The ADHD Smarter Parenting’s Podcast
Ep #96: Strengthening emotional connections with your child

Ep #96: Strengthening emotional connections with your child

August 12, 2020

Sign up for a free coaching session and let Siope Kinikini help your family!

 

It’s only natural for children to seek out situations where they feel confident, competent, independent, and autonomous. As discussed in the previous podcast, many children turn to video games to help fulfill these needs. Parents can counter the positives children receive from playing video games by using Effective Praise.

Effective Praise can increase your connection with your child as it teaches you how to validate the good things your child is doing. When children feel approved by their parents, it increases their confidence, competence, independence, and autonomy, which strengthens the emotional bond you have with them. 

Getting praise signals to your child, “Hey, my parents are proud of me. My parents see what I’m doing well. I like it when they notice it. I want to keep doing this so they continue.”  

As that bond strengthens, the benefits will be that your child listens to you more. They will spend more time with you. They will seek out your advice. 

We can’t stress how important giving Effective Praise is. 

One of the steps of Effective Praise requires parents to give their children a reason why they should continue the positive behavior. This step is hard for many parents. Most of us, when giving a reason to behave a certain way, give a reason that’s meaningful to them and not always to the person they are talking to.

When parents are able to give their child a meaningful reason, they are more likely to repeat that behavior as they feel like they are getting something out behaving that way. It can take some trial and error to figure out the things that are important to your child. If you’re struggling to figure out what is motivating your child, look at how they spend their free time or money. Those tend to be things that matter to them.

This podcast will be so insightful in helping you create a better bond with your child.

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Ep #95:Why video games are so addictive and what parents can do

Ep #95:Why video games are so addictive and what parents can do

August 5, 2020

One of the questions Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini gets asked frequently is how to help kids deal with video game addiction, and in this podcast, he shows parents how they can help their child by using Effective Praise. 

Why are video games so addictive? They are designed to fill four psychological needs in your children, trust, confidence, mastery, and autonomy, and fulfill these needs time and time again. The more kids play, the more they want to play because playing video games makes them feel good. It's also why kids can have a hard time when they are required to quit as they may not be getting the same level of reinforcement in the real world as they are getting from the virtual world.

A study on why video games are so addictive can be found here.

http://selfdeterminationtheory.org/SDT/documents/2010_PrzybylskiRigbyRyan_ROGP.pdf

Effective Praise fulfills your child's need for trust, confidence, mastery, and autonomy, which, in turn, allows them to thrive in the real world. Parents who use Effective Praise consistently give so much to their children and their children thrive.

For many parents, the hardest thing about using Effective Praise is knowing where to start. Sign up for a free parenting coaching session and let Siope Kinikini help you come up with a game plan.

For full show notes and transcript, visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Ep #94: Improving communication and increasing comprehension: Part 2

Ep #94: Improving communication and increasing comprehension: Part 2

July 29, 2020

How do you communicate with a child who doesn’t want to talk? In today’s podcast, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini answers what parents can do when experiencing tension in communication.

 

When our children are having difficulty communicating, it’s our job to help them learn how to do it. Often that requires us to reframe our thoughts on what is happening. It can be easy to take their lack of communication as a personal slight, do not. Instead, see it as an opportunity for growth and understanding.

 

Children can be resistant to communication because they don’t know how or don’t feel comfortable giving their opinions because they’re afraid of how someone will respond.

 

Creating a space when they can communicate will be difficult for many parents as they will want to feel that space with their thoughts instead of allowing their children to express themselves. But the best thing you can do is to create this space as it will allow your child to open up and truly express themselves. This podcast will show you the steps you need to take to make this happen as it won't always be easy or natural.

 

Your child can learn to communicate and do it well.

For full show notes and transcript, visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Sign up for a free coaching session: https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

Ep #93: Improving communication and increasing comprehension: Part 1

Ep #93: Improving communication and increasing comprehension: Part 1

July 22, 2020

Most of us communicate to be heard, not necessarily to be understood. 

 

Think about that for a second. Think about how much time and frustration we could reduce if we changed HOW we communicated. We would no longer spend as much time arguing or fighting, and we would see our relationships improve and our kids--and others--would like being around us. 

 

What parent wouldn’t want that?

 

It’s not easy to change how we communicate. The behavior skill of Effective Communication gives parents the steps they need to communicate in a way that allows for comprehension. 

 

This is so so important. When someone feels genuinely listened to and heard, they are more likely to open up about issues, come to you for advice, and seek solutions.

Comprehension doesn’t mean that your child will always agree with what is being said, but they will understand why something is in place.

 

When everybody feels heard and understood, incredible things happen.

 

Learn the skill: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/effective-communication/

 

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

 

Don't forget to sign up for a free coaching session. Let Siope Kinikini help you improve your communication. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

Ep #92: Creating change and increasing confidence: Part 2

Ep #92: Creating change and increasing confidence: Part 2

July 15, 2020

In this episode, we continue our discussion on how Role-playing creates change and increases confidence in children and adults. If you haven’t listened to Part 1, we recommend you go back to episode 91.

https://adhd.smarterparenting.com/e/ep-91-creating-change-while-increasing-confidence-part-1/

All of us have biases based on our life experiences. These biases can make it hard for us to see another person’s viewpoint, which can hinder communication. One of the benefits of Role-playing is that it allows us to feel empathy for another person which helps us break down our biases. By understanding where someone is coming from, we can focus on building better relationships as we can improve and positively address things. This is especially important for helping your child with ADHD as they tend to see the world differently, and understanding how they see it goes a long way to understanding and finding solutions.

These biases also come into play in how we process the good or bad that someone is experiencing. When good things happen, we believe that it’s because of something we’ve done, and when bad things happen, it’s due to external forces.

Using Role-playing to increase empathy and understanding will have a ripple effect on your family and your relationships. If you are unsure how to use Role-playing, we hope you will sign up for a free ADHD Parenting Coaching session in which Siope Kinikini will be able to walk you through Role-playing and what you need to do to help your family find success. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

For show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Ep #91: Creating change and increasing confidence: Part 1

Ep #91: Creating change and increasing confidence: Part 1

July 8, 2020

Let Siope Kinikini help you find solutions and create success. Sign up for a free Parenting Coaching session.

https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

Have you ever expected your kid to behave a certain way and then got frustrated when they didn’t?

We have.

Just because you know what to do at a restaurant or greet someone, doesn’t mean that they do. Kids act up because they don’t know how to act. If you want them to behave a certain way, they need to be shown how, and they need to practice.

It’s why Role-playing is so helpful for children. Role-playing allows them to know what is expected and helps them practice until they feel comfortable doing it. Feeling prepared will increase their confidence and reduce feelings of anxiety or frustration.

We can teach behavior skills on Smarter Parenting, but without Role-playing, they won’t be successful.

In part one of our podcast on Role-playing, Parenting Coaching Siope Kinkini helps parents understand three benefits children will gain when using role-playing.

The first benefit is that they will gain an understanding of social situations and how to respond. They will know the difference in interacting with friends versus interacting with a teacher.

Second, they will learn what vocabulary to use in different situations. The words we use will be different when talking to our friends’ verses when we speak to a teacher or a boss.

Lastly, it will teach them empathy and understanding. When a child can see things from the other person’s point of view, they are more likely to create solutions that benefit both sides.

Role-playing is so powerful. We can’t wait for your family to use it and harness its power.

Sign up for a free coaching session and let Siope Kinikini walk you through making Role-plays successful. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Ep #90: Dealing with frustrating situations: Part 2

Ep #90: Dealing with frustrating situations: Part 2

July 1, 2020

Sign up for a free Parenting Coaching mini-session and let Siope Kinikini help you better respond to frustrating situations. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

When parents are dealing with frustrating situations, their ability to make decisions is reduced. In today’s podcast, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini shares with parents how to use Observe and Describe to minimize decision fatigue.

We all have the same amount of energy to spend on making decisions. As the day goes own, we have less energy to spend on decisions, creating decision fatigue. This decision fatigue is especially true for a child with ADHD, as the choices they make throughout the day require more energy.

How can Observe and Describe help? Observe and Describe takes that decision-making equation out of a situation. Knowing that you will be using Observe and Describe is one less decision you need to make, which allows you to spend the energy where it’s needed. 

Observe and Describe is excellent for allowing parents to take a step back and focus on what is happening while giving them a moment to make the best decision about the situation instead of just reacting.

For complete show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/observe-and-describe/

If you need help with implementing Observe and Describe, sign up for a free coaching session. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

Ep #89: Special episode-Helping your kids navigate what is happening in the world

Ep #89: Special episode-Helping your kids navigate what is happening in the world

June 24, 2020

In this special episode, Siope Kinikini discusses how parents can help their children navigate what is happening in the world.

Giving your kids the tools they need to handle what they are hearing, seeing, and experiencing is vital. When kids have tools, they can thrive and make a difference, despite what is happening around them. These tools will be one of the most important things you can do as a parent.

Children will have a lot of feelings about what is going on and the skill of Effective Communication allows them to process and express those feelings in a healthy way. Siope Kinikini gives you three essential things to do that will make this communication effective and powerful.

Take a listen. And then listen again and again and involve your kids. 

For full show notes and more information about Effective Communication, visit https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

 

Ep #88: Dealing with frustrating situations: Part 1

Ep #88: Dealing with frustrating situations: Part 1

June 17, 2020

It’s never been easier to get parenting help from the comfort of your own home. Sign up for a free Parenting Coaching Mini-session and let Siope Kinikini help you find solutions. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching

When dealing with frustrating situations where our kids misbehave, it can be easy to become emotionally engaged and default to yelling, annoyance, or anger. When we respond that way, it only makes the situation worse and often creates additional problems.

Wouldn’t you like something that would keep you from becoming engaged in that way? What if we told you a simple skill could help? 

The skill of Observe and Describe is something that you can do today. Instead of engaging in your child’s negative behavior, you observe what is happening and calmly state what you see without judgment. For example, if your child is rolling their eyes and making faces at you, you would say, “You are rolling your eyes and making faces at me.” When you state just the facts, it allows your child to understand what they are doing. It also keeps you from getting emotional.

Remaining calm allows you to lead the dance instead of reacting to the situation. How powerful is that? Powerful. By changing how we respond to situations, we change the outcome and improve our relationships. 

We teach our kids that there is a better way to respond that doesn’t have to be driven by emotions.

Observe and Describe can be used on everybody we have interactions with. 

You can find the skill on the Smarter Parenting website. https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/observe-and-describe/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Ep #87: Why children act up: Part 2

Ep #87: Why children act up: Part 2

June 10, 2020

Struggling to figure out why kids act the way they do? We offer free Parenting Coaching mini-sessions. These sessions are a safe place where you will get answers.

https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching

In today’s episode, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini continues the discussion of The ABC’s of Behavior and how it can help you create a happier family life.

When you can understand why behavior happens, it is easier to take steps to prevent it. Sometimes though, it can be hard to figure out why behavior happens. In those cases, Siope Kinikini recommends looking at five things that could have contributed to the meltdown.

Are they sleepy? Are they getting enough good sleep?
Are they hungry? Are they eating a healthy diet?
Do they have a disability?
Was there a change in their environment?
Was there an interruption to their schedule?

Understanding that these things could lead to tantrums allows you to make changes before the tantrums even happen.

If they’re tired, you could have them do quiet time, nap, or watch a TV show. If they are hungry, you could give them a snack and set up a snack schedule. If they have a hard time processing things due to a disability, you could provide them with space and understanding that allows them not to become overwhelmed. If there is a change in the environment, you can acknowledge that it can be difficult and help prepare them before changes happen. If there’s an interruption to the schedule, you can reduce interruptions, set a timer for transitions, or finish certain tasks.

All of these things take less work and energy than dealing with a tantrum once it’s begun and allows you to have the energy to spend on creating a relationship. If you’re not spending as much time dealing with tantrums, you can play a game, or read a book, or go out with friends.

The ABC’s of Behavior is incredibly powerful in helping you understand your child. It’s even more powerful when applied to yourself. You can use the ABC’s of Behavior to determine how you react to certain behaviors and what you can do to change it, you will be happier and more in control of situations.

Applying the ABC’s of Behavior to ourselves can be uncomfortable. If you are struggling to figure out your antecedents, we invite you to sign up for a free parenting coaching mini-session. Our coaching sessions are a judgment-free zone where we help you figure out individual solutions.

https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching

For complete show notes and transcript visit https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

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