The ADHD Smarter Parenting’s Podcast

Ep #7: ADHD and anger issues in kids

May 1, 2019

ADHD and anger issues often go hand in hand, and dealing with it is a significant stress for most parents. ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini, helps parents understand the real reason behind their child’s anger and gives ADHD strategies for dealing.

How to deal with a child with anger issues is a question that Siope is frequently asked. Parents want to know how to deal with the situation without it blowing up even more. But more than that, they want to know how to reduce future episodes of ADHD and aggression by doing things that help diffuse the situation instead of inflaming it.

The best way to deal with anger issues to understand what is happening in your child’s body when they are angry. The ADHD strategy that has worked well for countless families is to know why we get angry. We get angry because what you want or hoped for didn’t happen the way you wanted it to happen. Think about that. Anger stems because someone’s behavior or actions didn’t go how we wanted them to go, and we become frustrated.

Understanding anger means understanding how you arrive at that emotion. This understanding is crucial when talking to your child with ADHD. Most ADHD children are already working on something that has a level of frustration for them. What do we mean by this? Your child may already be working on sitting still, paying attention, not talking, focusing on what is being said. They know they need to work on these things as they're constantly being told. They’re already feeling anxious and frustrated as they’re trying hard to fulfill what we’ve asked them to do and they’re struggling to do it. So when we add another instruction on that, bam, they’re even more frustrated, and that frustration often manifests as anger.

While we may look at a small instruction as “no big deal.” It’s a “huge deal” to them. It means that they’re feeling anger/frustration on multiple things and the last instruction happened to be the instruction that pushed them over the edge.

Understanding this principle will help you be able to teach them about what is happening with their body and how to deal in a more positive way when an expectation isn’t met. Disappointment is part of life, but our goal is to teach them how to deal with ADHD anger management in a better way.

The problem most parents face is being able to break down complicated feelings or ideas so that their children understand. This knowledge is especially difficult with very young children. It is why breaking things down into small instructions is important. It helps them not feel overwhelmed and frustrated. How to calm a child with ADHD who is in the middle of an angry outburst it to remember three things. First, remain calm as it will help to deescalate the situation. Second, stay focused. Third, be consistent.

ADHD and anger issues are manageable if you apply the ADHD strategies learned in this podcast.

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