The ADHD Smarter Parenting’s Podcast

Ep #111:Why consequences aren’t working

November 25, 2020

Have you ever given a consequence that hasn't worked? We know we have.

Implementing consequences that work to change behavior can be difficult for many parents. Often, we continue to give consequences repeatedly that don't work, which only increases our frustration level.

Learning how to give consequences that work is made easier when parents use Effective Negative Consequences. Effective Negative Consequences gives parents the 5 elements they need to make a consequence work for their child.

Giving consequences that work is difficult because no two children or situations are the same, even though we often treat them the same.

Parents may struggle with consequences because consequences are often given as an emotional response where "grounding them for a year" seems like a good idea. Consequences given as an emotional response don't tend to be as effective because they are often too big.

When you give consequences that are too big for the behavior, often you aren't able to follow through. That teaches your child that their negative behavior doesn't matter as they will not truly get a consequence for their behavior. Which only leads them to repeat the action. 

When parents use the five elements of Effective Negative Consequences, it signals to their child a few things.

First, it signals that you are disappointed in the behavior and not in them. This distinction is crucial as it allows you to strengthen your relationship even when you're giving them consequences.

Second, it allows them to see that you value them as a person. When you give tailored and essential consequences to your child, you are signaling that they matter to you. 

Third, it helps them know you're interested in helping them change and be better. The purpose of a consequence is to teach and not to punish.

If you need additional help learning how to give consequences that work, sign up for parenting coaching. Both the gold and platinum tier of the Smarter Parenting club provides coaching.

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