The ADHD Smarter Parenting’s Podcast
Ep #109: Individualizing rewards and consequences

Ep #109: Individualizing rewards and consequences

November 11, 2020

As parents, we want things to be fair when we give rewards or consequences. Fair does not mean the same as no two children or situations are the same.

Individualizing rewards and consequences improve their effectiveness as it shows your child that you are interested in their likes and dislikes. It also makes sure you're giving a reward or consequence that matters to your child. For example, one child may see not playing with friends as a consequence where another might see that as a reward. 

If the reward or consequence doesn't matter to your child, it will not help them learn.

The goal of rewards and consequences is to teach your child what you expect. They should never be used to punish your child. Punishing always goes to the extreme, which is less effective than starting small and adding consequences as needed. 

When you focus on teaching your child, it helps your child move forward and know what to do next time. This knowledge increases their self-confidence and ability to make wise decisions.

Giving rewards and consequences that are different can be a struggle. By following the five components of Effective Positive Rewards or Effective Negative Consequences, you better find individualized solutions that work for your child.

You can learn more about Effective Positive Rewards or Effective Negative Consequences at Smarter Parenting.

If you need help, we invite you to join the Smarter Parenting Club's gold or platinum level and get individualized coaching.

Ep #108: Being more effective when giving consequences and rewards

Ep #108: Being more effective when giving consequences and rewards

November 4, 2020

Giving more effective consequences and rewards require parents to understand the difference between values and interests.

Values and interests are separate and serve different purposes, especially when helping change your child’s behavior using either Effective Negative Consequences or Effective Positive Rewards.

Values are what you believe and what you want your child to learn—things like confidence, hard work, honesty, kindness, and integrity. Interests are things that you like to do—such as playing sports, music, or travel. 

Parents should use interest to help teach values when giving an Effective Negative Conseqeunces or an Effective Positive Rewards. For example, parents can use the interest of time with friends to teach the values of purpose, hard work, honesty, accountability, or responsibility. By combining both values and interests, you will be more successful.

Effective Negative Consequences and Effective Positive Rewards are two sides of the same coin and can both be used to change behavior. Which one to use will be determined by what you need to teach. For some situations, a consequence may be the best course of action for a particular behavior. For many children, though, Effective Positive Rewards are more effective in changing behavior than consequences. Many children may be more motivated to earn extra time if they come by curfew than by losing time if they’re late. 

It’s essential to sit down and evaluate the values you want to teach your children, as this will give you a better game plan for using their interests to do so. 

If you’re struggling with using interests to teach values, we recommend joining the gold or platinum level of the Smarter Parenting Club. Both of those levels allow for coaching and individualized help and solutions.

Please help us continue to provide this podcast. Donate or join the Silver level in the Smarter Parenting  Club. 

Ep #107: How to communicate with those you disagree with

Ep #107: How to communicate with those you disagree with

October 28, 2020

If there is one podcast we recommend listening to in the wake of what is going on globally, this is it.

We hope you will share it once you have listened to it.

Many have lost the ability to discuss topics they feel strongly about with someone who doesn't share their viewpoint without it turning ugly. Cancel culture, name-calling, fear of retribution, and lack of civility are alive and well. 

This lack of civility is dangerous because it doesn't encourage growth or moving forward. Instead, we become even more passionate about what we believe.

We don't have to agree with someone, but we can learn to communicate openly and safely that fosters understanding. We must teach our children how to do this as we want a world where our children can express themselves and allow others to do the same.

Our view of the world is shaped by what we have experienced, and we view those experiences as sacred. When those beliefs are attacked, it can feel very personal, which creates an emotional response.

When someone believes something different from us and presents that viewpoint, it creates internal feelings of conflict as we don't like having what we believe challenged. This is called cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance makes us feel uncomfortable when a different viewpoint is presented. There's inner turmoil to figure out where this person is coming from and why they believe what they believe, so often, it is easier not to wade into, but rather to become defensive and dismissive as we see it as a way to protect what we believe.

What parent doesn't want their child to feel comfortable coming to them and talking about sexuality and sex, what they believe (even if it's different than you), cause and movements, politics, and life-choices? If you haven't created a place where understanding can occur, these will not be productive conversations. Instead, these conversations could lead to a breakdown in relationships.

Effective Communication breaks down barriers and the emotional response we have, which allows us to get to a place where we can find solutions and understanding. Effective Communication will enable us to create a safe space to discuss difficult topics without it getting personal or argumentative. 

Stephen R. Covey said, "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." 


Effective Communication shows us how to listen and understand where the other person is coming from. Remember, you don't always have to agree with what they say. When you know where someone is coming from, you are more likely to find solutions and understanding. 

Let’s use Effective Communication to create connections instead of division. 

To learn more about Effective Communication, visit the Smarter Parenting website:

Join the Smarter Parenting Club and help your family

Join the Smarter Parenting Club and help your family

October 27, 2020

The Smarter Parenting Club wants to help you take your parenting to the next level!

With three tiers, you will find the level of help your family needs. 

The Silver Tier is our self-coaching where you will have access to recorded coaching sessions, the Smarter Parenting course, weekly Q&A sessions, as well as exclusive club content.

The Gold Tier gives you access to everything in the Silver Tier plus one coaching session a month with our Parenting Coach.

The Platinum Tier includes everything in the Silver Tier plus 3 coaching sessions a month with our Parenting Coach.

We can't wait to see you in the Smarter Parenting Club. Join today!

Ep #106: When parents aren’t on the same page

Ep #106: When parents aren’t on the same page

October 21, 2020

Not on the same page as your partner when it comes to parenting? You are not alone. How do we get on the same page is one of the most frequently asked parenting questions we receive. 

No two parents’ parent the same. Because of life experiences, including how they were raised, it’s not uncommon for parents to have different parenting styles and priorities. The goal is to find ways to work through parenting differences and find solutions that both parents are happy with and implement.

If you and your partner can’t agree, it leads to inconsistent parenting practices. Inconsistent parenting practices are problematic for children as it sends mixed messages, and they are never entirely sure what they are supposed to do and who they should follow. For example, if you believe that your child must do chores, but your partner doesn’t, how does your child know what to do?

When dealing with conflict resolution, Harvard University’s course on conflict resolution recommends the following things: (

  1. Recognize we all have biases
  2. Overcome the "us vs. them" mindset
  3. Look beneath the surface to identify deeper issues
  4. Separate pseudo-sacred from sacred issues

When parents use these strategies, they can find solutions that work for both parties. Using these strategies in conjunction with Effecting Communication and Decision Making (SODAS Method) helps parents do just that. 

Effective Communication allows you to feel heard and understood, while Decision Making helps you find solutions that work for both parties.

You can find the skills on the Smarter Parenting website:

If you need specific help finding solutions for getting on the same page, join the Smarter Parenting Club.

Ep #105: Helping kids who struggle with correction

Ep #105: Helping kids who struggle with correction

October 14, 2020

Most children don't like being corrected. For some children, that correction can be difficult and paralyzing. Children who struggle more than normal with being corrected may be suffering from Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria means that they don't handle rejection well and get very upset if someone criticizes them, often to the point of focusing only on the criticism. For example, you could give a hundred positives about something they did well, but all they will remember is the one small criticism in a 100 positives. 

Children with ADHD tend to be more prone to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and can believe they are a problem instead of having a problem.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is real and can cause difficulties in relationships, school, and jobs. They tend to blame themselves, focus on the negative, or have trouble believing any praise given to them.

Correcting Behaviors' goal is to help them see that the correction doesn't mean they are a terrible person as the Teaching-Family Model skills are relationship-focused.

By being faithful to the steps, your child can see and understand that correction doesn't happen willy-nilly, but rather you are on their side to help them learn. It also helps them to realize that you are not here to punish them.

Correcting Behaviors can be incredible in helping your child deal with their Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.

If you're struggling with knowing how to correct your child best, sign up for coaching in the Smarter Parenting club and let us find tailored solutions for your family.

For full show notes visit:

Ep #104: Investing in your child and your relationship

Ep #104: Investing in your child and your relationship

October 7, 2020

As parents, we have limited time to invest in our children. We can, though, make our investment count--even with limited time. How? By focusing our energy and efforts on the areas that will create the most return by using Effective Praise.


Effective Praise helps you focus on what your children are doing well, no matter how small, and letting them know what you saw. 

Using the skill of Effective Praise builds your relationship in multiple ways. 

  1. It signals to your child that they matter. When children feel like they are valued, they are more likely to respond positively to correction.
  2. It focuses on the positive instead of the negative. Where we focus our energy is what will grow. The more positive interactions we have with our children now, the more positive interactions we will have with them in the future. 
  3. It helps your child understand what is expected of them. By pointing out the positive, you are encouraging them to repeat that behavior in the future.
  4. It strengthens your relationship. Your child will trust, respect, and love you because they will understand that you are there to help them grow and be successful and they will not want to disappoint you.

Effective Praise doesn’t require huge effort or time, but we promise the return will be incredible. 

Learn how to give Effective Praise by visiting

If you need one-on-one help to implement Effective Praise, join the Smarter Parenting Club:

Ep #103: Creating a foundation for success with Following Instructions

Ep #103: Creating a foundation for success with Following Instructions

September 30, 2020
Following Instructions builds the foundation for a successful life.
Following Instructions reduces frustration, arguing, and talking back. It keeps kids focused on what is expected of them while preparing them for the future.
Following Instructions helps parents build and repair the relationships with their child.
Learn more about Follow Instructions:
Join the Smarter Parenting Club:
Ep #102: Helping kids stay focused and on task

Ep #102: Helping kids stay focused and on task

September 23, 2020

Under the best of circumstances, children can have a hard time staying focused and staying on task. What kids--and families--are experiencing during this time is not normal. 

Having to frequently check-up on your child and correct their behavior can exacerbate the pressure you're under. When parents feel overwhelmed, it can be easy to respond in ways that we can make the problems worse, so it's important to learn Correcting Behaviors' skill.

The way we correct our child can either damage or strengthen our relationship with them. Because of this, it's essential to be strategic in how we address problems.

When a correction is given with love and trust, your child will grow up feeling that way. If corrections are given from a place of anger or frustration, your child will grow up feeling that they are the problem instead of believing they have a problem that needs to be solved.

If you are struggling with addressing certain behaviors, we recommend creating a script of what you will do or say. Having a script allows you to stay focused on what needs to happen and not get distracted.

If you are struggling with helping your child during the pandemic, this is the podcast for you!

If you're looking for individualized parenting help, join the Smarter Parenting Club.


Ep #101: Teaching your kid to function without you

Ep #101: Teaching your kid to function without you

September 16, 2020

As parents, we want to teach our children to function without us. We want them to know what to do in any situation. We want them to be able to be an advocate for themselves. We want them to be successful at school, work, and in their relationships.

If we want our children to know what to do when we are not around. We have to Role-play it, and then Role-play it repeatedly until they are comfortable and know how to do it. Without practice, it is hard for children to remember what they are supposed to do as our brains only remember so much information at a time. It’s the practicing that makes something real to a child, not the words we tell them.

Role-playing is an often underutilized skill, but it is one of the most important ones in preparing our kids for the future. You can Role-play with both young children and teenagers. You can Role-play any situation, from making friends, knowing how to interview for a job, or what to do when someone is mean.

Role-playing doesn’t require any fancy equipment; it just requires us to be consistent. 

If you're looking for help, we have the Smarter Parenting Club. Join today!

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