The ADHD Smarter Parenting’s Podcast
Ep #50: Changing behavior through praise

Ep #50: Changing behavior through praise

December 11, 2019

One of the best things parents can do to improve their child’s behavior is to give Effective Praise. Changing behavior through praise is effective and powerful as it promotes a growth mindset for kids.

Adults and kids alike

There is a difference between general praise and the behavior skill of Effective Praise. Effective Praise gives your child a specific reason for their positive behavior AND a motivation why they should repeat the action.

When parents combine specific behavior and motivation, they are helping their child gain confidence in their ability to behave well.

General praise looks like, “Good job.” Or, “I’m so proud of you.” Statements like that don’t tell your child why you’re proud of them or what they did well.

Effective Praise would look like, “Great job for putting your backpack away without asking. When you put your backpack away, you’re able to find it in the morning without looking all over for it, and that allows you to be first to the bus stop and gives you more time to play with your friends.”

Effective Praise allows your child to know exactly what behavior they did well, putting away their backpack, and gives them a reason to continue the behavior, getting to the bus first and playing with their friends. Children are concrete thinkers. Having specifics is extremely helpful for them.

The hardest element of giving Effective Praise is finding a reason that is meaningful to your child to continue the behavior. Children are more likely to repeat the behavior if they understand they will be getting something out of it. Often, we give reasons that are meaningful to us and not meaningful to them.

As you consistently praise your child, you will see improvements.

Effective Praise should be given any time a child is doing something well--whether that is big or small. When children have a lot of behavior issues, it can be challenging to find something to praise. No child is so bad that there isn’t something that can’t be praised. It may be small, but it’s there. It could be something like giving you eye contact, looking up from their phone, or putting their clothes on the chair instead of the floor.

Whatever it is, praise them for it. When you praise for small things, the big things will start improving too.

The power of praise should not be overlooked. On the Smarter Parenting website, you can find the behavior skill of Effective Praise. We challenge you to watch it and then to start using it in your family. Using it will change the whole dynamic of your family.

Changing behavior through praise will be one of the best gifts you give your family.

Learn the skill of Effective Praise here: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/effective-praise/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

For a free 15-minute ADHD Parenting Coaching mini-session sign-up here: https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

To keep these podcast coming, donate to Smarter Parenting here: https://www.smarterparenting.com/donate-now/

Ep #49: Compound effect of Effective Communication

Ep #49: Compound effect of Effective Communication

December 9, 2019

We communicate daily. We don’t always communicate effectively. 

The importance of communication skills cannot be overlooked. When we use Effective Communication with our kids we create a compound effect that helps our children throughout their lives. 

Effective Communication is more than just the words we speak. It’s how we get our message across. It’s our voice tone, our body language, our actions, etc. We can improve communication skills by using the steps of Effective Communication.

Effective Communication allows us to monitor our non-verbal cues and helps our child feel understood. When we use Effective Communication we know what we heard is what they were trying to say — removing so much of the “miscommunication” that takes place.

When a child feels heard, even if we don’t always agree with what they’re saying, it goes a long way to strengthen and build our relationship. It also gives them confidence that they can express themselves in any situation, without getting frustrated or angry.Effective Communication is a skill and you can learn how to communicate with your child better by visiting https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/effective-communication/

Ep #48: What it takes to change behavior

Ep #48: What it takes to change behavior

December 4, 2019

Do you want to know the secret of changing behavior? It’s Role-playing! We can’t stress enough how powerful Role-plays are in improving your child’s behavior and preparing them for new situations!

What is a Role-play? It is just like it sounds. It’s where you and your child accept a role to practice new behavior. Role-playing allows your child to see what is required of them and gives them to the ability to practice it over and over until they’ve mastered it. Role-plays work on kids of all ages and can be used to practice almost any situation.

Role-plays do not have to be complicated. Adding too many elements to a Role-play reduces its successfulness. Especially for kids with ADHD, it’s better to do multiple small Role-plays than one large Role-play.

When using Role-playing, we recommend the following.

First, Role-play at a neutral time. When you Role-play at a neutral time, your child is better able to learn the new behavior. If they are distracted or frustrated, they are less likely to be successful in learning a new behavior.

Second, Role-play multiple times. It’s been proven that repetition is essential when it comes to learning new behavior. It’s vital to practice numerous times throughout the day to make sure your child has mastered the new behavior.

Third, do reverse Role-plays. Reverse-Role play is where you and your child switch roles. Changing roles allows you to show them what you expect of them. You can also show them what they are doing incorrectly. Reverse Role-plays teach them greater empathy as it helps them better understand what they’re doing and how that behavior makes others feel.

Children learn through play. Role-play allows you to take what is already second nature to them and apply it to new situations and behavior. It’s especially helpful if you’re funny or silly as it makes Role-plays seem more like play than learning.

Without Role-playing it is almost impossible to change behavior. Children need that practice.To learn more about Role-playing visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/role-playing/

Ep #47: Mastering Observe and Describe

Ep #47: Mastering Observe and Describe

December 2, 2019

Mastering Observe and Describe is essential to learning the behavior skills on Smarter Parenting as all behavior skills on Smarter Parenting incorporate Observe and Describe.

Observe and Describe is exactly what it sounds like. You observe what is happening, and then you describe what you see. Describing behavior can be used for both positive and negative situations. 

Describing words for kids are helpful in that they focus on the behavior. Focusing on the behavior removes the emotion that often comes with negative behavior, avoids the questioning game, and keeps the situation from escalating. 

Children with ADHD especially have a hard time connecting their behavior with what is happening. Using Observe and Describe helps them connect their behavior to what you want or don’t want. 

Explaining behavior without emotion gives parents options for how to respond. It’s hard for children to argue with what is happening when parents describe what they witnessed. 

Parents that master Observe and Describe find that their relationships improve, and feelings of frustration and helplessness decrease. We can’t stress enough how important it is to master Observe and Describe.

To learn more about Observe and Describe visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/observe-and-describe/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/For a free 15-minute ADHD Parenting Coaching mini-session visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

Ep #46: Understanding the ABC’s of Behavior

Ep #46: Understanding the ABC’s of Behavior

November 27, 2019

The ABC’s of Behavior is a powerful tool in helping understanding behavior and why challenging behavior happens. Understanding what causes behavior and what to do after a behavior starts gives parents a better way to handle problems. Which, in turn, strengthens the relationship we have with our child. It also teaches them how to successfully navigate the world around them without our help.

The ABC’s of Behavior is an acronym. It stands for Antecedent, Behavior, and Consequence.

Antecedent means what happened before the behavior. It requires us looking at what happened 5 minutes or even an hour or two beforehand. The goal with the antecedent to understand what was the catalyst for the behavior. Did they get in trouble at school? Did they miss a nap or snack? Did they break a favorite toy? Did someone say something mean to them? When we understand what caused the behavior, we can give them tools to prevent the problem. 

Behavior is what is happening. Behavior could mean sulking, throwing things, yelling, or being angry. Behavior is what we want to prevent, change, or fix. Address behavior at this stage is less effective than addressing it before it becomes a problem.

Consequence is what happens after the behavior. What consequences or rewards did they receive? We may be reinforcing negative behaviors by giving a reward instead of consequence. If we reward our child with a sucker after a tantrum, we reinforce that throwing a tantrum is the way to get a sucker. Consequences should match the behavior and should teach and not punish a child.

The ABC’s of Behavior is one of the skills of the Teaching-Family Model. The Teaching-Family Model is one of the evidence-based behavioral methods. Twenty million dollars of research went into deterring what the best way to parent is. It has been used since the 1960s by practitioners all over the world because it works! 

For more information about the ABC’s of Behavior and the rest of the behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/the-abcs-of-behavior/

For a free 15-minute mini-session sign-up today: https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Ep #45: How–quality components of the Teaching-Family Model

Ep #45: How–quality components of the Teaching-Family Model

November 25, 2019

The Teaching-Family Model incorporates quality components into each behavior skills to bring about change in your child while strengthening relationships. Quality components are the ability to recognize the quality of what we're doing when it comes to the interactions with our child to get the outcome we want.

Not all the interactions we have with our children are quality. Sometimes our voice tone isn't appropriate. Sometimes our body language may be threatening. Sometimes we assume our children hear us or understand what we mean. 

The Teaching-Family has built-in checking to make sure we're using quality components. Along the way, it requires us to evaluate how we are doing? Are we using an appropriate voice tone? Are we teaching each of the steps? Is our child internalizing the steps of the skills?

It's these built-in quality components where the real power of the Teaching-Family Model lies. Quality components are there to strengthen and build relationships and to give parents the parental guidance they need. 

While using quality components may sound overwhelming, it's not. Quality components become second nature as you use the behavior skills found on Smarter Parenting. Any parent willing to spend the time to learn the behavior skills will see change. Behavior skills work! Using behavior skills will make your life easier as they will give you the tools you need to raise successful children. 

Using the five elements of the Teaching-Family Model truly is the roadmap your family needs to begin seeing change today!

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

To learn the behavior skills of Smarter Parenting visit:https://www.smarterparenting.com/

For a free 15-minute mini-session ADHD Smarter Parenting Coaching session sign-up today: https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

Ep #44: Where am I emotionally?

Ep #44: Where am I emotionally?

November 20, 2019

Before being able to teach behavior skills effectively, parents need to ask, "Where am I emotionally?" Understanding where they are emotionally is vital in teaching your kids. Remember, our first role is parents as teachers. If we are frustrated, angry, upset, or stressed, we aren't effective in helping our children change their negative behavior. 

Parents need to take time to make sure they are emotionally aware. It can be difficult when we are dealing with situations that can be stressful. It may mean taking a few minutes to decompress, allowing yourself a treat, breathing exercises, or going for a walk, etc. Each of us will have a different way to regulate.

Asking ourselves, "Where am I emotionally?" allows us to approach teaching behavior skills without the emotions that would sabotage and to be aware of what behavior skill we need to teach our child. Being calm allows us to walk our children through the steps of behavior skills. It's using the steps where change happens. If you want to be successful in changing negative behavior for positive behavior, you have to use the steps of the behavior skills found on SmarterParenting.com. We can't stress enough that change happens when using the steps. Learn the steps of the behavior skills if you want to see change happen in your family.

Raising children isn't easy. Children have their own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Dealing with those can be hard if we aren't emotionally aware of where they and we are. If we are angry, stressed, or frustrated, often we pass those feelings onto our children and make the situation worse. The same goes for our children. Understanding where our children are emotionally makes teaching behavior skills more successful. If they are frustrated, angry, or upset, they won't be in a place to learn or make changes.

Learning behavior skills require patience, but the payoffs hard massive. The behavior skills found on Smarter Parenting help parents make the changes: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/

Need help implementing behavior skills? Sign-up for a free 15-minute ADHD Parenting Coaching mini-session: https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Ep #43: When–teaching to negative behaviors

Ep #43: When–teaching to negative behaviors

November 18, 2019

Today’s podcast covers the when pillar. In implementing new teaching, parents ask, “When is a good time to teach behavior skills to address problems?? The answer: As soon as possible. 

The object of any corrective teaching is to bring a child back to a non-escalated state as quickly as possible. 

By teaching to the negative behavior as soon as possible, you keep the problem from escalating. The longer you wait until you address the behavior, the more work you have to do to correct their behavior.

Each of us has a tolerance level of what behaviors we will accept before intervening. For some parents, they have a very low tolerance level and step in very early on to address problems. For other parents, they have a very high tolerance level and will only step in after things have gotten way out of hand. 

We should work to have low tolerance levels as having low tolerance levels makes life more comfortable and improve relationships with our kids.

What does this acttually look like? 

Your son is playing with your daughter, and she takes his toy. Because you have a low tolerance level, you would intervene at this point and work to deescalate the situation. 

What if you don’t step in? Think of what happens next. Your daughter has taken another toy. Now your son is not only crying, but he’s also starting yelling and getting angry. He tries to grab the toy from his sister. She’s teasing him and holding the toy away. His frustrating level has now reached a breaking point, and he starts hitting his sister.  

Do you see how much more corrective you need to do to address the situation because you waited to step in?

How long will parents need to teach new behaviors? As long as it takes. There is no magic formula as you’re working with children who have their own thoughts, feelings, and personalities. It may be frustrating if the change is slow. Keep at it. Eventually, you will see a return on your investment. 

The behavior skills that parents need to teach their children come from the Teaching-Family Model and can be found on SmarterParenting.com.

For full show notes and transcripts visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Ep #42: What parents need to teach–behavior skills

Ep #42: What parents need to teach–behavior skills

November 13, 2019

The third element of ADHD Parenting Coaching is what. What should I teach to help my kids be successful and create a better family life? The answer to the question is simple. Parents should be teaching behavior skills. Behavior skills set expectations and allow families to build strong bonds. Behavior skills make parents’ lives more comfortable as they reduce frustration, anger, and feelings of hopelessness.

In the 1960s, 20 million dollars of research was done into successful parenting techniques. The study found was that successful parents did very similar things. Sometimes parents understood what they were doing, and other times they didn’t. Researchers determined that parents could be taught how to be successful parents and the behavior skills of 

Teaching-Family Model was born. The behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model are parenting guides that give parents the steps and words they need to implement the skill successfully.

Each behavior skill is on SmarterParenting.com is broken down into concrete steps. These steps help parents know what to do and how to do it. Each behavior skills creates a different outcome.

For almost 60 years, parents, teachers, therapists, and other personnel have used the Teaching-Family Model to help kids and families find success. It works! Studies have confirmed that teaching behavior skills are possible and create favorable outcomes.

The goal of using behavior skills is to teach your child how to navigate the world without you. The steps of the skills are pretty straightforward. Sometimes parents struggle in the implementation of them and need some help with parenting skills

ADHD Parenting Coaching allows our ADHD expert, Siope Kinikini, to look at your family's needs and determine a tailored action plan. 

Sign-up for a free 15-minute mini-session and watch the behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model transform your life.

For full show notes and transcripts visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/ Parenting Coaching free 15-minute mini-session: 

Ep #41: How I coach parents of kids with ADHD

Ep #41: How I coach parents of kids with ADHD

November 11, 2019

ADHD parenting coach, Siope Kinikini, is often asked how he coaches parents and families. In episode 41, he walks through what an ADHD Parenting Coaching session looks like using the five elements of the Teaching-Family Model.

The five elements of the Teaching-Family Model are: What, where, how, when and

Many parents ask, “What do I do” but that question is too open to be useful. The first element, “What skills am I going to use?” allows parents to start looking specifically at issues and find solutions.

Element two is, “Where am I teaching this?” A parent needs to look at where in their schedule would teaching be most effective. It also means looking at where is my child’s understanding and teaching to that to create success.

Element three is, “How do I teach?” The behavior skills on Smarter Parenting answer how as they have specific steps that outline how parents should respond. These steps take out the guess-work and help parents focus on repairing relationships.

Element four is, “When do I know if they understand?” It will take some time, which is why Role-playing or practicing is vital to help them learn new behaviors. You’ll know they understand what you’re teaching when they’re able to do it multiple times on their own.

Lastly, element five is “The Why.” Why are we so passionate about helping families? We want to strengthen families and show parents how to raise kids that can navigate the world around them.

The behavior skills taught on Smarter Parenting helps parents accomplish these five elements. Which, in turn, reduces stress and anger and improves communication and relationships.

Sometimes we all need a parenting friend to help us. If you need some individualized help, we would love to help with ADHD Parenting Coaching. Where we will go into details with the problems your family is facing and determine an individual course of action that will allow you to get the outcomes you want. We want all parents to be able to take advantage of the opportunity to be coached and offer free 15-minute mini-session.

Sign up for a free ADHD Parenting Coaching 15-minute mini-sessionhttps://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/