Giving more effective consequences and rewards require parents to understand the difference between values and interests.
Values and interests are separate and serve different purposes, especially when helping change your child’s behavior using either Effective Negative Consequences or Effective Positive Rewards.
Values are what you believe and what you want your child to learn—things like confidence, hard work, honesty, kindness, and integrity. Interests are things that you like to do—such as playing sports, music, or travel.
Parents should use interest to help teach values when giving an Effective Negative Conseqeunces or an Effective Positive Rewards. For example, parents can use the interest of time with friends to teach the values of purpose, hard work, honesty, accountability, or responsibility. By combining both values and interests, you will be more successful.
Effective Negative Consequences and Effective Positive Rewards are two sides of the same coin and can both be used to change behavior. Which one to use will be determined by what you need to teach. For some situations, a consequence may be the best course of action for a particular behavior. For many children, though, Effective Positive Rewards are more effective in changing behavior than consequences. Many children may be more motivated to earn extra time if they come by curfew than by losing time if they’re late.
It’s essential to sit down and evaluate the values you want to teach your children, as this will give you a better game plan for using their interests to do so.
If you’re struggling with using interests to teach values, we recommend joining the gold or platinum level of the Smarter Parenting Club. Both of those levels allow for coaching and individualized help and solutions.