As parents, we want things to be fair when we give rewards or consequences. Fair does not mean the same as no two children or situations are the same.
Individualizing rewards and consequences improve their effectiveness as it shows your child that you are interested in their likes and dislikes. It also makes sure you're giving a reward or consequence that matters to your child. For example, one child may see not playing with friends as a consequence where another might see that as a reward.
If the reward or consequence doesn't matter to your child, it will not help them learn.
The goal of rewards and consequences is to teach your child what you expect. They should never be used to punish your child. Punishing always goes to the extreme, which is less effective than starting small and adding consequences as needed.
When you focus on teaching your child, it helps your child move forward and know what to do next time. This knowledge increases their self-confidence and ability to make wise decisions.
Giving rewards and consequences that are different can be a struggle. By following the five components of Effective Positive Rewards or Effective Negative Consequences, you better find individualized solutions that work for your child.
If you need help, we invite you to join the Smarter Parenting Club's gold or platinum level and get individualized coaching.