The ADHD Smarter Parenting‘s Podcast

We are excited to introduce our newest Parenting Coach, Kimber Petersen! 

Kimber comes with a wealth of knowledge in dealing with difficult and challenging behavior using the Teaching-Family Model.

You will be hearing more from Kimber in future podcast episodes and she is available for coaching.

Are you feeling judged as a parent? In fact, many parents feel judgment when it comes to how they are parenting.

Join Parenting Coaches Siope Kinikini and Kimber Petersen as they talk about why parents are feeling judged and what they can do about it.

We are all going to receive judgment about our parenting. Someone is going to think we are doing too much or not enough. The goal is to be able to receive that judgment and determine if it applies to you.

As the parent, you know your child and what they need best. What has worked for another child or another family may not work with yours. That is okay. That's how it should be. The most effective parenting happens when parents can adapt to the individualized needs of their children.

Often when we receive criticism or suggestions on parenting, it can be challenging to hear and causes us to get defensive or dismiss the advice.

The skill of Observe and Describe helps us stay grounded. Instead of getting all frustrated or upset, we can recognize how we are feeling, which allows our brain time to process what was said and how it made us feel.

We love how Observe and Describe can help us work through the internal dialogue that we may be having about situations. For example, if you've ever taken a young child to the store late at night, you know that people are often formulating judgments in their mind. With Observe and Describe you can remind yourself, "I know this person is looking at me and making a judgment about me bring my child to the store, and this makes me feel anxious. They don't know that I spilled the formula container, and there is no longer formula for their nighttime feeding. Keeping my child feed is more important to me than feeling anxious about what someone thinks."

The great thing about Observe and Describe is that it is a skill that can be done anywhere and doesn't need any special tools. 

Parents, you're doing a good job! Hang in there. You've got this!

On our website, you will find additional information and suggestions for using Observe and Describe. 

We are excited to welcome our newest Parenting Coach, Kimber Petersen! Kimber brings a substantial wealth of knowledge and experience about what parents need to handle challenging behavior and improve their relationship.

We are excited for you to join us!

One of the questions we get asked frequently is how to deal with parenting differences, especially if co-parenting is involved? No two parents see eye to eye on everything. But parents can find common ground when dealing with their children as we want what is best for our child.

When parents find common ground, focus shifts from "I'm right, you're wrong" to "What is best for our child?". This shift is powerful as it allows parents to move past emotion and focus on their child's needs.

A lot of differences in parenting can be addressed by using the skill of Effective Communication. The skill of Effective Communication accomplishes two things. First, it puts both parents on the same page, which is essential because sometimes, what we say is not what we mean, leading to confusion and frustration. Effective Communication removes those barriers and helps everyone feel appreciated and valued. Second, we are no longer swayed by emotion because we are more interested in understanding the person than being proven right.

When someone feels valued and understood, they are more likely to work together and compromise. 

Effective Communication is a skill that can improve all relationships. We challenge you to learn this skill and begin using it on everybody you meet.

We know parenting differences are complex, but they don't have to be unsurmountable. We can help! Sing up for coaching and let Kimber and Siope provide tailored solutions for your unique situations.

We all have weaknesses. Often though, those weaknesses can be strengths if we change how we look at them. 

For example, the strength of a child that argues is that they feel confident in expressing their feelings and they know what they want. 

The strength of a child who walks away during conflict is that they know their limits and don’t want to increase friction or say something they would later regret. 

The strength of an indecisive child is that instead of rushing into decisions that could harm themselves or others, they take the time to look at all possible options logically.

When we can change our viewpoint and shift our perspective regarding what our child is doing, it will pay huge dividends.

One way that parents can shift their focus on see weaknesses as strengths is to use the skill of Effective Praise. Effective Praise lets a child know that you see the good they are doing and not just the bad, which gives your child confidence that you can help them.

If you want your child to change, praise them. Children respond to Effective Praise. You can find the skill of Effective Praise on the Smarter Parenting website.

Children with ADHD need help learning how to manage their time as many struggle with Executive Dysfunction.  Executive Dysfunction means that they have difficulty planning, focusing, paying attention, remembering instructions, and performing goal-oriented tasks.

With the right tools and strategies, children with ADHD can thrive when completing tasks and managing their time.

When helping your child with time management, it’s essential to evaluate their strengths and weaknesses. For example. If your child has trouble concentrating when it comes to doing homework due to being easily distracted, remove potential distractions by creating an environment that helps them focus. If your child has difficulty remembering tasks, a system of smaller instructions with built-in rewards for completion will help your child be more successful. 

Many kids with ADHD have found using the SODAS Method and timeboxing to be incredibly beneficial.

The SODAS Method helps children understand the pros and cons of a course of action and allows them to make decisions that are not emotionally driven. 

Timeboxing allows a child to focus on a task for a certain amount of time, rather than until the task is completed.  Using this method gives children a sense of control over their time as well as helping them with future thinking and goal completion. 

You can learn more about the SODAS Method at SmarterParenting.com. 

When it comes to parenting, no two parents will do it the same, often leading to conflict as you try to prove to the other parent that "you are right."

Each parent brings a different history to their parenting and thus a different response. You may think that your partner is too soft or demanding regarding consequences or rewards, and they may feel the same. 

Just because you were raised one way doesn't make it the best way to raise your child. When parents can approach parenting differences with an attitude of "What is best for my child?" vs. "I'm right, you're wrong," they can come up with solutions that are in the best interest of their child. That solution may be different for each child as each child is different.

When you focus on your child's needs and strengths, it will be easier for you to find common ground as both of you want what is best for your child.

The skill of Decision Making (SODAS Method) guides parents on how to find the best solution by showing the positives and negatives for actions.

You can find the skill of Decision Making (SODAS Method) on the Smarter Parenting website.

If you know someone who would benefit from this podcast, please share it with them!

Your child is not their diagnosis. 

A diagnosis is a framework for how your child's brain works. A diagnosis does not usually tell you how to address the symptoms your child may be experiencing. No two children with the same diagnosis will manifest symptoms the same. Some children with ADHD will struggle with impulsivity, where other children may not.

By focusing on the behavior rather than the diagnosis is crucial in addressing the problem areas.

One of the skills we love to teach parents to use is Decision Making or the SODAS Method. Often when presented with a problem, we may think we have limited options. This belief is often especially true when we receive a diagnosis for our child and feel that that diagnosis is defining our child. 

Using the SODAS Method, we can look at specific problems and develop solutions tailored to our children that will best address their needs.

For many parents having their child no longer defined by labels empowers the child to grow and develop.

You can find Decision Making on the Smarter Parenting website. 

If your child experiences extreme emotional responses to small events, such as spilling their milk or getting touched, they may be experiencing emotional dysregulation. 

Emotional dysregulation means that their brain has difficulty distinguishing between events and their severity. In simple terms, it means that their brain often equates all experiences such as spilling their milk or losing a significant game with the same seriousness putting their body into fight or flight.

While it can be challenging to remember when your child is in the middle of a tantrum, emotional dysregulation is not a lack of parenting skills or a child being disrespectful to you as a parent.

When a child is experiencing emotional dysregulation, your goal as a parent should be to help them understand what is happening and give them tools to calm down and refocus. The behavior skill of Effective Praise does just that as it allows your child's brain to pause and reset by acknowledging that you are present and that you are here to help.

While it may seem counterintuitive to give your child praise while throwing a tantrum as you don't want to encourage their negative behavior. Effective Praise refocuses where your energy is being placed and keeps you from being drawn into your child's fight or flight response. Instead of focusing on what they are doing wrong, which only adds to their fight or flight response, you acknowledge their emotions while giving them something good to focus on instead of the strong negative emotional response they are experiencing.

For example, during a tantrum, a child may pause to take a breath, sit down, lower their voice, throw something with less force, etc. All of those things are positives that can--and should be--acknowledge.

When parents use Effective Praise to deal with emotional dysregulation, they will see changes in how they respond and how their child responds to the situation. 

You can find more about Effective Praise on SmarterParenting.com.

If you need help knowing what to praise your child for, our Parenting Coaches are here to help. Sign up for Parenting Coaching and we can create an individualized plan for you.

The symptoms of ADHD and trauma are very similar. Frequently kids who have been diagnosed with ADHD also experience trauma.

Symptoms of both ADHD and trauma include: 

• Inability to focus
• Lack of social connections
• Poor memory
• Emotional dysregulation
• Interrupted sleep
• Impulsivity
• Restlessness

Trauma can come from death, loss, bullying, experiencing a natural disaster or traumatic event, or physical, mental, or sexual abuse. 

When a person is dealing with trauma, they often have difficulty processing what happened, so their mind and body live in a constant state of fight or flight as they continually relive what happened, which is exhausting and scary for children. 

If your child has experienced trauma, we recommend seeking professional help in addressing the cause of the trauma.

When a child is in flight or fight mode, parents can use the behavior skill of Observe and Describe to help refocus on what is happening in the present. 

Using Observe and Describe tells your child, "I'm here. I see you. I know you're struggling. You're safe. We can get through this together."

For show notes and transcript of this episode visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

If you've given your child a task only to find out later that they've built a fort, read a book, or used their tablet instead of doing the job, welcome to parenting a child with ADHD.

Kids with ADHD get distracted easily. It's just a fact. They get distracted not because they aren't bright or motivated, rather because staying on a task is not something that comes easily or naturally to them, so it's essential to give them specific techniques that help them.

These techniques can include charts, visual aids, point systems, timers, and an environment that reduces distractions.

For example, if you want your child to clean their room, but they have a TV, computer, tablet, or phone, those distractions will make it harder for them to do what is needed. Instead, by removing these items or blocking access to them and having a step-by-step guide to cleaning their room, you make it easier for your child to do what they are supposed to.

The techniques will help reduce the distractions and make it more likely for them to do the job, but they still need consequences if they don't. 

The skill of Effective Negative Consequences helps you determine consequences that matter to your child. If screen time or time with friends is important to your child, losing them motivates them to do better in the future.

The goal of Effective Negative Consequences is to teach your child, not to punish your child. You can find more about the skill on SmarterParenting.com.